Prayers for When We are Heavy-burdened, by Michelle Nicole Murphy
Dear God. I have had difficult and trying times in my life and at times I feel abandoned by You; at times I feel I suffer beyond what is bearable. My yoke is often too heavy. Yet my faith is renewed at this very moment and I look back and see Your ways are not my ways and I ask for Your forgiveness. I also am very thankful for Your grace, mercy and active love in my life. I rededicate my life to You and deeply appreciate when you have carried me through difficult times as one of your children. Praise God. Amen.
Dear God, Why the suffering and affliction of so many? Especially the vulnerable and the weak. It seems so many have been allotted an easy life and yet I am weary for such long periods. I can hardly feel anymore and when I do there is hardly anything to laugh and smile about. Flashbacks abound of dark times in my life and my heart is anxious to escape life altogether. Yet, people remind me daily that God's hand is in our lives. The good works of others have redeemed me. I have been prayerful for others, and I have turned from sin, and I have hope in a few things again. The one thing that remains strong is my thankfulness for deliverance. " 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I have hope in Him.' " Amen.
Dear God, Stay with me always. Forgive me for the times I have been absent from my spiritual walk with You. Be with me whether I am busy or still, as you were with me at my beginning and will be at my departing. Also, keep me close when darkness surrounds me, as my heart needs guarded. Shine Your light upon me. Your timing is not my timing, but Your plan is much greater than mine - I can look into the past and see that. I pray I remember that often and enough. Your daughter in Christ, the Redeemer. Amen.
A Poem - The Grief I Bear on a Mid-Summer's Morning, by Michelle Nicole Murphy
There's no light peeking through the clouds this morning,
Just a slow drizzle of light everywhere and dew,
The bugs and birds aren't even making their music
Neither am I.
But I feel touched within my soul.
Yearning for days not too long ago,
I weep for the past and do not hope much
For the future. But I will - Soon enough.
For now, I remember those days, those people, those things,
And it stirs something inside of me.
A teardrop rolls down my cheek and my chest swells.
Good memories get mixed up with flashbacks of hellacious times.
Those times that bring me to this moment of mixed moods.
I yearn for what I can't have, but am starting to move on.
I honor the past, but almost seek a better way in the coming days ahead.
There's a glimmer of hope on the horizon this morning.
The only thing holding me back from joy is this pounding headache,
Made of heartache and intrusive thoughts that un-still my mind.
Yet death is part of life. And it can be a beautiful thing to not
Only imagine a reunion with those from our days past, but to
Know as a Christian it is a real thing. "Enough so" do I believe I will
Have a future of peace one day in Heaven, that I partially seek to
Move there myself. But hurting myself is not the best option.
And even "enough so" isn't enough because this temporary hell
I go through right now, seems as if it will never pass.
Is Heaven really the bright shining star I will see one day?
This mid-summer morning I process and wait.
Time is complex - more so than I ever imagined, slow
As it may be at times it is not only a curse but a blessing.
I will see beauty around me again. I will wait to see it again.
I think the birds are finally making music outside.
A Poem - Finis-en avec moi, mon ange! (Finish me off, my angel!), by Michelle Nicole Murphy
The world is dying, people are passing.
Or going elsewhere, to Hell.
I'm grieving, there's a pit before me,
There's nothing tangible that tastes good left.
I'm about to take a dive.
Yet if I focus my faith on two things:
A will to live, and faith in other people's goodness,
I can carry on.
I have no spirit right now for a religious life.
I only have this tightly bound leather,
Holding together some organs and blood,
Trying to revive my stone heart.
I am bruised, I am broken, but soon
I may find some motivation
To come back from the dead,
From the stone grave located in my chest.
Pray for me!
I quit a show today I didn't totally come
To terms with until recently.
Am I on Stage?
I give up on inspiration - if it will only leave me alone!
Inspiration sourced from others driving me down,
Down a long spiral staircase to the pit.
I'm about to take a dive!
From whom does this sourced knowledge originate
That is in my head?
While You ban torture, I am tortured by day.
Day - the time when the sun is supposed to shine brightly,
And for good cause.
Instead it reveals and reveals and reveals -
No privacy here!
Depart from me, the One, You -
You who summons about frivolous tasks,
Stay gone from my head,
Lord make it so!
And Lord free me from my own thoughts too.
Hear my groans and grunts.
I miss my heart, I hate my mind,
All that seems left is some good lipstick,
And cheap beer.
That's all there is of value in Hell.
Sunshine - shine no more!
Instead leave me alone!
There is no glory in this work.
Finis-en avec moi, mon ange!
(Finish me off, my angel!)
Give me more courage.
Tomorrow is another day...
[one tear finally rolling down cheek]
It's a broken Hallelujah!
A Prayer for When We Have Suicidal Tendencies, by Michelle Nicole Murphy
Dear God, I do not wish to see tomorrow and pray for death. But I see an alternative. If you can give me more courage then tomorrow will be another day. If you can soften my heart I may be moved to tears, and my burden may become bearable again. If you can give me peace of mind and send the demons away from me, I may live a long time. Deliver me from the pit of Hell, wake me from my nightmares, and inspire me to notice the small blessings in life. Remove the thoughts and goings-on that torture me by day, and allow me a good reprieve when sleeping by night. I want to live, and I need good people in my life. My faith is weak, but I can hold onto those two things. Stay beside me around-the-clock as Satan is tempting me this very moment, and I am spiritually weak. I do not deserve Your blessings, but ask humbly on my knees for Your help! Amen.