DAILY READING
A Poem - Finis-en avec moi, mon ange! (Finish me off, my angel!), by Michelle Murphy The world is dying, people are passing. Or going elsewhere, to Hell. I'm grieving, there's a pit before me, There's nothing tangible that tastes good left. I'm about to take a dive. Yet if I focus my faith on two things: A will to live, and faith in other people's goodness, I can carry on. But... I have no spirit right now for a religious life. I only have this tightly bound leather, Holding together some organs and blood, Trying to revive my stone heart. I am bruised, I am broken, but soon I may find some motivation To come back from the dead, From the stone grave located in my chest. Pray for me! I quit a show today I didn't totally come To terms with until recently. Am I on Stage? I give up on inspiration - if it will only leave me alone! Inspiration sourced from others driving me down, Down a long spiral staircase to the pit. I'm about to take a dive! From whom does this sourced knowledge originate That is in my head? While You ban torture, I am tortured by day. Day - the time when the sun is supposed to shine brightly, And for good cause. Instead it reveals and reveals and reveals - No privacy here! So... Depart from me, the One, You - You who summons about frivolous tasks, Stay gone from my head, Lord make it so! And Lord free me from my own thoughts too. Hear my groans and grunts. I miss my heart, I hate my mind, All that seems left is some good lipstick, And cheap beer. That's all there is of value in Hell. Sunshine - shine no more! Instead leave me alone! There is no glory in this work. Finis-en avec moi, mon ange! (Finish me off, my angel!) Or... Give me more courage. Tomorrow is another day... [one tear finally rolling down cheek] It's a broken Hallelujah! Amen! DAILY MESSAGE I wrote this poem under the influence of suicidal tendencies. I had a moment where all was lost from my faith except two small things: (1) a will to live (kind of), (2) hope in the goodness of others (a.k.a. there is some good in the world); else I had given up completely on beauty, goodness and God. I was over-burdened, often in sheer terror mode, and mentally plagued. The poem started out a prayer for death - to be "finished off by the angels", but is interlaced with glimpses of hope and motivation for something better on the horizon. And then a last stanza that offered a clear choice to death - a cry out to God for courage. My heart softened just enough to get a tear, resulting in what I call a broken Hallelujah (like praising God on your knees in a broken state). And so the will to live triumphs in a poem with suicidal notes. Praise God! DAILY PRAYER Dear God, I do not wish to see tomorrow and pray for death. But I see an alternative. If you can give me more courage then tomorrow will be another day. If you can soften my heart I may be moved to tears, and my burden may become bearable again. If you can give me peace of mind and send the demons away from me, I may live a long time. Deliver me from the pit of Hell, wake me from my nightmares, and inspire me to notice the small blessings in life. Remove the thoughts and goings-on that torture me by day, and allow me a good reprieve when sleeping by night. Else, send your angels to finish me off. I want to live, and I need good people in my life. My faith is weak, but I can hold onto those two things. Stay beside me around-the-clock as Satan is tempting me this very moment, and I am spiritually weak. I do not deserve Your blessings, but ask humbly on my knees for Your help! Amen.
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NOTEThe author can be reached at mnmurphy@usit.net. Archives
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