Putting the Past Away

DEVOTIONAL READING
Quote by Michelle Murphy - "Where my mind dwells I must not stay too long - I must keep moving even if my path is cyclical and circular just as the seasons go by. Just keep moving."

Matthew 6, Verse 34 - “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Poem "The Future" by Michelle Murphy
In the future we remove our masks.
The leaders in charge - they challenge.
The church is optimistic.
And more are in love.

Totality is respected in crisis situations,
Which are no longer subsidized.
My health is good, 
So is yours and yours.

The chimneys were swept
And replaced with - now, 
Water reactors, fresh air.
The skies are alive.

Tired is still here,
And the blues has its welcome.
We experience life - still.
The music is the best.

Blood pumps here,
Hearts rage,
And they break,
And they sing.

I am amazed with the future.
It is the same and not the same.

DEVOTIONAL MESSAGE
For over a decade after I left college I partied on. I re-lived my past lifestyle and was unable to move into something more mature for a long time. I got stuck in a wild past, and nothing seemed to satiate my desire to live carefree, always mingling trouble with my marriage and work. When I met up with people from the past who had moved on, I often prodded them to imbibe in wild behaviors. Often I was disappointed to find myself alone trying to relive my past, settling for large sums of alcohol or pot with strangers, or over the phone calling anyone I could so I wouldn't be a party of one. I've since put that part of my past away and the change has been overwhelmingly beneficial. I am a new person and that hook from the past is dislodged.

My past has also haunted me at times, having been dealt a hard blow with the suicide of my father, a rough car accident and many mental breakdowns with the diagnosis of schizo-affective. Some of the scars from these incidents have served as open wounds - not healing. We all have experiences like this to overcome in our lifetime. We can worry ourselves sick projecting potential problems into the future, based on something we have experienced from the past. Fears crop up. Turmoil in our brain persists. Patterns of thought and behavior set in. I've had to tell myself "no!" to specific thoughts, and submerge myself in fruitful endeavors to shut down the voices haunting me. Sometimes I've had to forgive to move on. Yes - moving on is about moving on to something else. We may always be tested or suffer another setback, but worrying and anticipating the bad have always left me worse off than bearing my muscles for another day, tough, wonderful or in-between. I'm much more ready for it all by living in the present with flexibility and being future-looking without tons of worry.

Long-term and short-term memory serve us well when we are learning in-school or on-the-job. They are not so helpful if they lead us to hold grudges over others or ourselves. When we hold that kind of resentment or ill will it eats at us and brews a pessimistic idea of the future or of another person, or a skewed frame of mind. We may gossip or give in to a multitude of sins because negativity breeds more negative outcomes. When I say "just keep moving" in my quote above, I mean keep moving as if the overall future is bright and people are ultimately connected to us (and that is a good thing). The overall future can be bright, because it is true the glass is half empty or half full - so it's for your deciding. The future will always be somewhat similar to the way things are now, because there is something about creation that as it unfolds, energy may translate into something new, yet fundamentally it is still energy. Translate your energy into something wonderful and let go of the past. Be positive, don't gossip, don't give in, keep moving.

DEVOTIONAL PRAYER
Dear God, One day when I pass away from this life and my judgment has occurred I hope to find myself in a place where worry, sin and turmoil are absent. Maybe Christians are wishful thinkers, but I do see much evidence for the Biblical view of eternity. Thank you for Your prodding to put away a wild past and bad behaviors. Thank You for pulling me out of skewed frames of mind ongoing. Thank You for moving me through the grief process with good success. Some of the past still haunts me and I ask for Your help in letting go. Encourage me to let go of grudges and pessimistic views, and to be positive and keep moving. Anxieties have kept me on a short-lease from time to time, and I pray for Your continued support to heal. Forgive me for the sins I have committed related to gossiping, wild lifestyles and over-attempts to control my own life. You are the guiding light in our lives, and I should consult Your ways more often in pursuing plans. Forgive me for my lack of prayerfulness, and my time-to-time doubt of Your existence. It seems I have a difficult spiritual life, and some of that is my own doing. In the name of the Holiest One, Our Father, Amen.